14th,2020Hello, It’s time for another update. My memory has been worse. Basically if it’s not written down then it probably doesn’t exist in my universe. Errands, pick-up times, and that sort of thing. People tend to get pissy when you forget them twice in one day. All I can say is “I’m sorry. I’m not doing it on purpose.” It sucks.I have started a new universe called Warlord. It’s my version of fiddling as Rome burns. I can’t stop this and I’m becoming so aware of the present that I’m starting not to care.What I mean is the only cognitive success I have is here now, If you ask me about the close past (2 hours ago) or the far past (50 years ago) you run a risk of getting a null program response. If you ask me about a topic in those time periods I can probably have a conversation with you.examples:Q.How old were you when x?I don’t know. (Unless it’s something that left a deep mark. Say, the first time someone put a knife to my throat or that time I made out with a 32 year old woman. I. Bad things that feel very good. Bad things that sometimes cause you to question the moral fibres of your being. Bad things with your hands, like say slap my face or my hairless aching need, use my peachy arse, which if allowed a voice, would deafen you with it's incessant begging for violation. Might you look at me with an adoration that I only know in my stories, so that we can call these bad things, Terribly lovely things. "Please!" my eyes tell you before the word itself is out. "What darlin'?" you ask, but I don't know, I only know that I'm so without what I need, so without it that words won't come, they've bailed out. In my head I can hear my voice, it sounds a little pathetic, like another person, a best friend I've come to love, despite her flaws. I hush her. "I've got this under control," I tell her as I turn my attention back to you. "Please!" I say again and you aren't frustrated. You can hear in my tone that it's the only word I can speak. My voice sounds as if it might.
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